Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Pass the Porno Please!

A former college classmate and I agreed that it would be in our best interests to get nice n' easy jobs at prestigious schools, since they're likely to give out classes like Christmas trees on December 26th. Get that degree for free while makin' some G's. So now we're making plays for the easiest jobs we can find while keeping an eye out for those elusive Dream Jobs. I found some real gems.

Take this Assistant Editor job for example:

Duties will include generating story ideas, writing editorial content, working with publicists, proofreading and editing, delegating ... and will include such tasks as answering the phones, producing the editor-in-chief's event schedule, etc.
Must have 1-2 years experience in the publishing/magazine industry. Writing and verbal skills are essential, as well as computer skills and good researching capabilities. Phone skills are essential and the ability to work under pressure due to deadlines. Must be personable and professional.
Our readers are upscale Manhattanites with homes Palm Beach and the Hamptons. The editorial covers the exciting social and entertainment events in New York, the Hamptons and Palm Beach that many of the readers attend.

Let’s see, you bask in the completely unnecessary and inane activities of the very rich, so you can feed their already inflated sense of self-worth while you tip tap away on your keyboard about useless lives and wasted resources. The pay for your efforts? Under 35,000. Yes, sucka, you’d be making less than their maid. It’s the ultimate Poser job and best of all, these types of jobs comprise 70% of craigslist. How very like New York.

But, the searching is over folks! I hit upon the remaining 30% of the job board and found my true calling. Yes, Porn reviewing, how did you guess? Where do I see myself in five years? Porn Editorial Supervisor. I’m gonna ace that interview!

Are you a connoisseur of porn? Do you have opinions about the adult films you watch? We have hundreds of adult DVDs sitting around waiting for someone to review them. And, we're looking for a dedicated group of competent folks to help us watch and critique the growing collection. See this section to get an idea of our writing/review style: There's not much in the way of pay—for now. But the DVDs, which retail anywhere from $25 to $75, are yours to keep after you review them. This is a legitimate writing gig that can be added to your freelancer portfolio. And SexHerald is a sex-positive online publication start-up operation poised for rapid growth. All reviewers must be 21 or older, live in the New York City area (NY, NJ and/or Long Island, if you’re willing to commute to Manhattan for periodic meetings) and be deadline-oriented and dependable. Previous writing experience is a plus. The reviews run 400-600 words in length, and film reviewers must commit to a minimum of four (4) reviews each month.

Grad school, finals, all-nighters, astronomical tuition rates, cocky peers and blowhard professors are starting to look SO appealing.