Saturday, January 08, 2005

How to Flirt

I was reading over this How-to Flirt Article searching for the golden nuggets of truth I needed to enliven my nearly hourly discussions with any one of my single friends about how to tell when someone is "into" getting "into" you.

Considering how much time each of us waste on that very topic, it's a wonder that we're not experts on the topic. Man, we suck.

The article makes one point quite emphatically: pick-up lines are useless. They are self-inflicted invitations for utter humiliation, especially if you consider that the article says a simple "Good Evening!" with suitable intonation and pitch would work much better. No fuss, No muss. It's practical to think that someone who greets him/herself as a normal non-jerk human being would have a better chance. In addition, if you're not interested, it would be much less embarassing for the non-jerk since they never really asserted a romantic interest. Just a simple hello!

Call me a sadist all you like, but I would be so upset if the crappy pickup line went the way of the DoDo bird. How unbearable would nightclubs be if we no longer heard the old question "Is your father a thief..?" Are we really doomed to a whole bunch of men picking us up with the innocuous, noncontroversial, openended and meteorogically-minded "How do you like the weather?" We'd actually have to date all those guys before we figured which guy was a 15 year old with a fake id and blow up doll. To prevent this for all humankind, I hope this NEVER catches on.

Other items of interest:
* Men like it when women ask them out- WHY? -they think they're reeeaally going to get some desperate housewife lovin' that night. Hell, the woman would probably pay for dinner too!

* People's first impressions of you are based : 55% on your appearance, 38% on your style of speaking and only 7% on what you actually say.

* Eye-contact is an effective way of showing someone across the room that you're interested. Eyebrow spaz-lift(raise) is the most effective long distance flirtation method, but beware the consequences of wielding such a powerful flirtation weapon. Eye contact is the rusty crowbar to the eyebrow raise's devastating NUCLEAR MISSILE. Use both with care.

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